Stress

I am actually indeed quite stress out with my college work..there are loads/tons /bundles of paper that I have to write this semester..damn man.. Me, always procrastinating, will usually wait until the very end before I even start on it..Which is a very bad habit of me.. and i found that , as we grow older, our brain starts to deteriorate. why i say so...i need more time to digest the things compared to last time...  On top of my tons of paper, i still have to study for the CFA...kinda regret to enroll in it. well, i am 90% sure that I am going to flung this test, but somehow, something just keep motivating me to study it.. I neglect all my college studies just for the CFA.. well, with recession and all stupid stuff going around in the economy, I bet i have to at least pass tis paper in order to secure a job for myself.. ><.... Feel I am getting old, and I am so uncertain of my future..what would lies ahead in another year's time.. 

Taking love for granted

THE other day, my mum called to tell me that she and my fa-ther were considering buying two placements in a memorial park as their final resting place ''when the time comes''.

I know very well that there will come a time when we will leave this world, but it is not something I often think about.

It is okay to plan for birthdays, weddings and retirement, but planning for death is not the norm. Not because it is not logical or practical, but to think of death is to bring on fear.

My boyfriend asked me a few days ago if I fear death.

“No, but I fear pain. But what I fear most of all, are the deaths of my loved ones.”

Just the mere thought of not seeing my parents and brother again cripples me with fear. When my parents speak of where they would like their final resting place to be, I am afraid to listen and refuse to take it seriously.

My grandfather was taken ill recently, and when I paid him a visit I was reminded that even the strongest and healthiest of us will not stay that way forever.

My father is 53 this year. He goes to the gym a few times a week, takes care of his diet and is far from old. He is able to fix almost anything in the house and he still takes cares of me like he always does.

All these years, I have looked upon my father as someone who is infallible, strong and able to find a solution to any problems that I may have.

It scares me to think of the day when he will not be as he is now, when time and age catches up. I would rather not see the lines around his eyes, or how tired he looks at times. I don’t want to notice him limping a little sometimes because his feet hurt.

My father is not a superhero, but sometimes it is easy to forget that because of how well he takes care of the family and me. Too often, I take his love and his health for granted.

When someone loves you unconditionally, it is easy to be careless with that love, because you assume that it will always be there.

You forget to say thank you, or be polite, or even do something nice in return.

During a meeting with the managing director of a company who is interested in working with me on an endorsement project, he said something to me that no one has ever said before.

“No offence Xandria, I think your work is great but the reason you are here is because of your mum.”

“Your mum is such a good person. I think what you are today is because of your upbringing. So you have to thank your mum and dad,” he told me with a smile.

I couldn’t be happier or more proud hearing this. I have always wished that people could see that. My mum is my manager, and I have had people being nicer to me than they are to her.

Some have even been downright insensitive and rude to her, but sugary sweet to me.

I have never understood that. Being a manager of a company is not an easy task, and if the company runs smoothly, it is very much due to good management.

My career has been on a steady climb because my mum is an amazing businesswoman and manager. I have manners, respect, compassion and faith because my parents have taught me that.

I have written in a previous article that if someone should praise me, they should praise my parents 10 times over.

Many have asked me during interviews if I feel that my mum is overprotective as my manager, and my answer is that I am much more protective of her.

Even then, I cannot be a hypocrite. I cannot expect people to be nice and kind to my mum when there are many times when I have also hurt her with my impatience and attitude.

The worst part of it is that the hurt she experiences because of me is much more painful than those inflicted by others.

And the irony is that it is often easier to be nicer to acquaintances and friends, than it is to be mindful of the feelings of our loved ones.

Mother’s Day has just passed and Father’s Day is around the corner. Being able to celebrate these occasions is just a reminder of how fortunate we are to have known unconditional love.

Death is inevitable and maybe if we stop and think about death once in a while, we would appreciate life better.

THANk you

I am so sleepy~~.. but I just feel motivated to write something on my post. I am not so much of a tech ky person and I am really not patient to wait for the website to load.. haha.. So I usually will try to do minimal stuff on my laptop. ..I am not motivated already now..when I am writing..i have alot to write..but just too lazy...ZZZ

Good times, Good Memories

I read some of my friends blog, Kit Meng, though i still preferred to spell it that way, no offence, and he was saying that times cant really be turned back....It makes me think back bout the times when I was in Sunway College, and Taylors, all good and bad memories will be with me forever and I really want to thank everyone who makes my life meaningful. I will really treasure the time I am with my friends because I know, when we reach certain point in time, we will walk different paths in our lifes. And I really hate that to happen. but that's just how it is going to be.

Better in Time

Time will heal everything. Many people believe things will get better in time. But in reality , does it really happen in the way that favors you. Just now, I chat with my 'long dint talk friend' ...Dont know why ..we chatted for about 1 and a half hours. non stop..makes me feel happy bout it.. Undoubtedly, i think i really miss her. Sometimes , you just dont realize you miss someone. If you just lay back, relax, and give a deep thought, I am sure you definetely have someone to miss... Haha, If I am going back this summer, I'll definetely find her. For sure. Then we'll have a good chat.

Test

没有请的八月。。。em qing...

I have a number of tests this week.. Have been thinking of hitting the book since I came back frm playing basketball...but still...its been about more than an hour, and I am still lazing around...Just dont feel like have the motivation to study like last time.. Aii..So hate it when there is so much things to do...and so hate it when there is nothing to do... No matter how much, we human are given, we'll never satisfy and grumble, I guess.. Contemplating on learning piano this week... Well, I do this not because I want to show off after I learn or use it to court girls, but because I am interested in playing instruments since small but there just ain't any chance for me..That's all for tonight..

Awkward...

...just felt like blogging...felt that long time ago but just doesnt have the desire or emotion to write anything at all..so ..thats the empty pages my life ... em...realli hope i can land on the internship offered by bankers trust as that is my one and only interview...Wanted to stay in Des Moines over the summer to earn money...got few tests next week..but i just keep relaxing...aii..chatting with frenz, facebooking, looking at mangas(death note) , listen to a day in life over and over again.....aiii...the most i can keep myself still in one place is 15 minutes i guess or less...haih...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~contemplating on alot of things...................................................haihhhhhh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love

Oops..the last post was a mistake..the title is not love...

I guess I am a failure in love...having so many relationships..but each one of it ended with tears.. i think i have to sit down and give a deep thought of what's the true meaning of love... the next time i say 'i love you',..i really want to make sure I say it with sincerity..I 've let down and let go so many things that I actually treasure. If two roads diverge again, i'll never give a second thought bout the second road again...well..things are transient.that's just how nature is...I'll never fail in my relationship anymore.. i just hope for the best out of me..well, that being said...i guess i really fall in love with the lovely flower at 40 feets ...

Love

JUst tO jot down so i remembered what i did for the past week. It had been a fantastic trip for me..Em..I just rememebered a few places from Minneapolis. Little Szechuan, iKEA, Mall of America, em...Kowloon.rain's hse ,ramee, ..and i forgot another one..em..em..oh ya..i went to three clubs.. 508, Drink and Epic. First of all, i hate 508 because i got my butt kick out frm the club ...I dint know it was a smoke -free club. Well, it was indeed a horrifying exp for me though..em..cont to Drink..well, literally I was not kick out, but I was not allow to enter because I dint stamp on my hand..so i venture to epic. em..It was by far the one and only bar that kinda drives me crazy because the girls are really awesome over there.

okay....i really wore out today ...so i gona sped up ...
ping pong- dint play for a while...it was fun playing with them for hours...we gone nuts

Chicago

Thanks all for accompanying me to chicago..bean, joeys, korean bbq, vagina building, redline, on tv, em...aurora...cedar rapids.. thats all the places i went during my trip to chicago...okay...i'll rest my case for now..

Ipoh

Shit. I am so tired but i just want to leave a few lines due to dissatisfaction towards the appointment of Ipoh Menteri Besar. I couldnt imagine what would befall to Ipoh if this newly elected PAS secretary was to govern Ipoh..~~ no~~ that means Ipoh will turn into an Islamic State. I wouldnt want that to happen. that means all the girls in ipoh cannot wear mini skirt and there would be many problem arise.. Haih..~ what a dissapoinment ..i betta go back and open a tudung store in Jaya Jusco to make money if it were so. Nitez.

Election~

Aii~~, my oh my, my dear Malaysia, the place where I once used to fond of has gradually change and shape for the best or worse? Before I came to US, I was so resilient that I told myself how much I love Malaysia and wont leave Malaysia for good. Well, that was all because I have set a real comfort zone for myself. Doesn't dare to take a step out of it, and explore the awe inspiring of the outside of the box. Glad, now I am in US, I am no longer a frog under the well , I see more things and have a larger scope of the way I think. What used to be true, may seem to be untrue know. As every theory and hypothesis may not be true. Some people strive hard to search for something that they will never get a grab of. And yet they stil try. My point is never to give up. To be honest, i dont know what kind of shitty crap am I talking bout. That's not what I want to write for this post. Oh ya..about election in Malaysia. I guess it will be a easy win for BN again. So unfair. Every time there is an election, I will be very upset. We , Malaysians always boast about how good our country is; multicultural, democratic, KLCC ( good for nothing). But lets us reflect it on our lives. Where is our right to talk? you better not talk sensitive issues or else you'll get kick at ur butt right into jail. Why do only Malays get all the benefits. Thats fucking unfair. Our business policy keep on changing.Its so unstable that no foreign companies would want to invest in our shitty piece of banana land. Haih, dumbass fcking pig, don't ya all know how to use your brain and give a deep thought on how to improve ur citizen welfare and not just shark out a bountiful amount of citizens money. Fck Badawi, useless good for ntg PM that doesnt know how to bring good for our country. Fck BN too. I really just hope for the best and how the winning party will change the future of Malaysia. After all, our vision 2020 is still so further away that it will not be reachable if the party that wins are still being selfish of themselves and reluctant to change for the best !..

Malaysia's Driver

I was really upset when I glance through the news on the star online. What a tragic , or somewhat cruel, beastful, undecent act of those insolent fools who were on the road. This girl missed her bus and opt to walk to school. That was when her fate was decided.She was bang and were dragged by the car for 400m before hit by another car again. What the heck? dont the fking insolent fools know how to STOP or they are afraid to stop and held responsibility on what they did. Come on. Be a man( KM phrase).. Just want to address to all malaysian drivers, dont just hit and run ! That just fcking agitate me to max and make my blood boils. Fck u stupid driver!! May the girl rest in peace..pray for you tonight. And may the girl's family bear for these idiotic, nut skull, shithead, asshole, piece of shit driver..

Money~

F*.. I was being told by the Financial Services that I have to fork out 2000+ as I lost my international scholarship.. what the hecK ..this was due to the change in my status to PR ..but I have already paid my fees in full and now they tell me after a month.. I kind of hate drake administration though..makes my life complicated. And so now i have to file for Fafsa. In addition to that, I have to purchase my own health insurance too as I am no longer being cover.. argH.. my money keeps on flowing out.. I guess is time I need to land on a job to ease my financial distress..

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